Absolute Stunners

AsotD 1/28/10:

2010-01-28T11:47:00.000-08:00

Gio van Bronckhorst hits a cracker in the Dutch cup against PSV Eindhoven:

Congratulations to Landon Donovan - First Premier League Goal

2010-01-27T17:15:00.000-08:00

Lando has officially opened his account at Everton!

AsotD 1/24/10: Maggio vs. Livorno

2010-01-24T11:14:00.000-08:00

Absurd volley from Maggio for the baby blues of Napoli today versus Livorno is the clear choice for our AsotD. Enjoy the ecstatic Italian commentary:

Robinho to Quit Manchester City

2010-01-24T11:03:00.001-08:00

A report from soccernet.com suggests today that Robinho plans on returning to his former club Santos. This move is reminiscent of his compatriot Adriano's journey back home to Rio de Janeiro club Flamengo, which may have kept the attacking cue ball in contention for a spot on Brazil's World Cup 2010 roster.

See the report from soccernet here.

And check out this nice compilation including some of the skills and goals Robinho has contributed to the Manchester City cause this campaign. You may have to turn the volume down, as Guiball Productions has unfortunately chosen "Don't Phunk With My Heart" by the Black Eyed Peas as the opening piece of the soundtrack.

AsotD 1/22/10: Andre Santos vs. Denzilispor

2010-01-22T15:44:00.000-08:00

Today's absolute stunner actually happened today.

Observe, please, as Brazilian Andre Santos nets a 30-yard bomb in Turkish Superliga action as ferocious Fener took down desperate Denzilispor 3-1.

Canales to Real Madrid, Ruud out

2010-01-22T15:38:00.000-08:00

Real Madrid have bolstered their attack with the recent verbal agreement for the signature of former Racing de Santander forward Sergio Canales. The teenager had attracted interest from other big clubs including Premier League giants Chelsea and Manchester City. While Barcelona seem poised to take La Liga yet again this season, perhaps Canales will prove a shrewd signing next year when he will join Los Merengues for a reported 6-year deal.

Meanwhile, aging Madrid forward Ruud van Nistelrooy has agreed to sign with Bundesliga contenders Hamburg after having snubbed offers from bigger clubs in England. That can only be music to Canales' young, fleshy ears.

See the clip below - Sergio Canales on the counter attack versus Sevilla earlier this year:

Dempsey Most Likely Fit for World Cup

2010-01-19T18:15:00.001-08:00

What a relief to American soccer fanatics - Clint Dempsey's recent injury in Fulham's 2-0 loss at Blackburn does not seem serious enough to rule out his appearance in the 2010 World Cup. Clint is arguably the Yankees' most talented player, and he and Landon Donovan, both now thriving in the Premiership, most certainly will be counted on to provide the creativity for the Red, White, and Blue this summer in Group C. Fulham manager Roy Hodgson had initially indicated to the British press that it appeared as though Clint had sustained "cruciate ligament injury," which probably have required surgical procedures that would have kept Deuce out of the world's most watched event.

Glad to hear that the native Texan will be leading the charge versus the likes of England, Algeria, and Slovenia come summer.

See a ridiculous volley from Clint against surprise package Stoke City (1/5/10) below; let's hope he can muster some of that audacity in a few months on the big stage:

ASotD 10/14/09:

2009-10-13T21:33:00.000-07:00

The Greek Giorgios Samaras acrobatically tucks this chance away against minnows Latvia:

Welcome Back: FIFA U-20 WC

2009-10-13T21:10:00.000-07:00

Hello all, sincerest of apologies from the good doctor and yours truly for the lengthy hiatus. We're back discussing the Final of the U-20 World Cup of 2009, hosted in Egypt. This edition's final pits perennial powerhouse Brazil against a talented and feisty Ghanaian side, and having had the privilege of watching both teams advance through the exciting semifinals on Tuesday, I can confidently attest that this matchup will go down in the annals of futbol history a classic. Both sides showed tremendous offensive capability in their latest knockout matches, Ghana having triumphed 3-2 over surprise package Hungary and Brazil having swept aside the Junior Ticos of Costa Rica by a score of 1-nil (via a thumping, tightly-angled volley from Alan Kardec, which can be viewed here: http://www.101greatgoals.com/videodisplay/3640635/).

Thoughts or predictions? Post in the "comments" section.

Squad analyses to follow.

And stunners of the day to follow those.

United Triumph over Ecuador's LDU Quito in FIFA Club World Cup Final

2008-12-21T10:17:00.000-08:00

At around 7 am Eastern Time (definitely did not wake up in time...), Manchester United emerged victorious over a tough LDU side in the annual FIFA Club World Cup, the premier club competition staged in Japan pitting the world's continental champions against each other for the right to be called the best club on the planet.

Goalscorer Wayne Rooney commented after the match: "t was a very difficult game especially after going down to 10 men. I'm very happy to have scored and for us to become the best club in the world is something we can be very proud of." Gee, that was insightful.

In-form Rooney, named player of the tournament, put United 1-nil up after receiving a pass from Cristiano Ronaldo and slotting an angled shot into the bottom corner past helpless LDU goalkeeper Jose Cevallos. United had been reduced to ten men when Serbian enforcer Nemanja Vidic saw red for elbowing Claudio Bieler in the grill. United become the first English club to win this competition in its current format, having failed to reach the final in 2000; Liverpool had lost in the competition's final in 2005.

Third place in the Tournament went to Japan's Gamba Osaka, who defeated opposite semifinalists Pachuca by a score of 1-0. Earlier on Sunday.

Striker Masato Yamazaki scored the winner in the 30th minute when he volleyed a superb pass from fellow forward Ryuji Bando past goalkeeper Miguel Calero.

ASotD 12/19: Aguirre Nails Pigeon

2008-12-19T08:33:00.000-08:00

It was a sad day for poultry everywhere as Gaston Aguirre killed a pigeon on the pitch with our Absolute Stunner of the Day in the Argentine Apertura...

Cristiano vs. Ahly ASotD 12/18

2008-12-18T20:58:00.000-08:00

A lesser-known Cristiano of Austrailia's Adelaide United struck this sweet stunner against Al Ahly in the FIFA Club World Cup 12/18/08. First highlight of the video...

Maryland Terps Edge North Carolina Tarheels in 2009 NCAA College Cup

2008-12-14T18:54:00.000-08:00

Earlier today, the number-two-ranked Maryland Terrapins emerged victorious over number thirteen UNC Tar Heels 1-0 in this year's 50th edition of the annual College Cup final. The goal came courtesy of terrifying Terp Graham Zusi, who pressured the UNC back line throughout the match. Maryland enjoyed most of the possession percentage and created far more chances than UNC were able to muster; the Blue-Man Group rarely threatened on the offensive even after going down 1-nil, not even managing a shot on net within the opening 70 minutes. It was the Freshwater Turtles' 3rd, and wholly deserved, consecutive victory over UNC this season.

To their credit however, the Ceruleans had knocked off number-one-ranked Wake Forest just yesterday by a scoreline of 1-0. Maryland faced the St. John Red Storm in the other semifinal. It appeared as though UNC's most creative players had run out of ideas at just the wrong time, and the Maryland defense stood stalwart when called upon while effectively distributing the ball up to its midfield and forward lines once it had regained possession.

To make this 50th annual Cup all the more special, commentary of the utmost clarity and the deepest incisiveness was provided by all-American legends JP Dellacamera and John Harkes!

ASotD 12/14: Mirko Vucinic

2008-12-14T18:16:00.000-08:00

At Absolute Stunners, goals become the Stunner of the Day for all kinds of reasons. Sometimes we award cracking long distance strikes, sometimes scintillating solo slalom runs, sometimes brilliant bursts of creativity, and sometimes audacious chips. This one qualifies as a none of the above.

What is so stunning about this goal is Vucinic's celebration. The Montenegrin's antics can only be described as outrageous.

Let's walk through Mirko's moves:

1) Fire a rebound home from 16 yards into the bottom right corner. Game winner! 3-2 over Cagliari!

(Will Mirko play it cool since his squad just eked past a shite side at home?)

2) No! Immediately tear off jersey revealing...another identical jersey.

(What article of clothing comes next? Perhaps he is wearing a third jersey?)

3) Remove shorts. Parade around in tightey-whiteys. Run 50 meters around the Stadio Olimpico track away from Daniele De Rossi and Simone Perrotta.

4) Kick billboard!

5) Gingerly reapply shorts.

6) Receive yellow card.

I have seen outrageous celebrations before, but this one must be tops...or should that be bottoms?

We're Baaaaack

2008-11-25T11:59:00.000-08:00

Absolute Stunners is back. Like Bobby Pires, just when you thought we had disappeared, we come back with a vengeance. And we are still wearing the yellow number seven, except now we are playing with an upper-mid-table Spanish club alongside Santi Cazorla and Joan Capdevila.

The point of comparing ourselves to the crafty duck-legged French midfielder is that things will change around here, but mostly they will stay the same. We won't post quite as much as we did during the Euro, but we will try to keep this thing regularly updated through the end of the Champions League and the European domestic seasons.

Anyway, we apologize for our three month or so hiatus. Paps and I had school and work and other such petty concerns that got in the way of A.S. No more. Stay tuned for Stunners of the Week and the introduction of our first t-shirts.

Peace, love, and futebol,

The Good Doctor

ASotD 7/19: Mancini (c. 2007)

2008-07-19T13:41:00.000-07:00

It's Stepover Saturday! And no, Cristiano wasn't invited. Instead, it's the much friendlier, newly signed Nerrazurro Mancini embarassing the Lyon defense in the Champions League. Bonus points awarded to the first commenter to identify the OL defender.

ASotd 7/17: Stephen Reid vs.Wigan 05-06 Season

2008-07-17T17:25:00.000-07:00

Blackburn's Irish International Stephen Reid stuns everyone with this cracker against Wigan Athletic in the 05-06 Premiership season:

ASotD 7/16

2008-07-16T13:56:00.000-07:00

A glorious chip from Swedish legend Henrik Larsson in a recent Helsingborg vs. AIK match:

ASotD 7/13 Simon Cox

2008-07-13T15:34:00.000-07:00

Sorry for my absence recently, I've had very spotty wireless.

I'm back with a peach of a goal from an unexpected source. The oft-injured Swindon Town midfielder Simon Cox rips one from distance for a shocking equalizer against the Turkish giants Fenerbahce. Check out Cox's strike at the one minute mark of this video. Watch the whole thing though for a familiar face in a new place (hint: he just managed the Euro winners) and a towering header from surly Serb Mateja Kezman.

ASotD 7/9: Keseru vs. Marseille

2008-07-10T05:28:00.000-07:00

Here is a gem of a free kick from Nantes' Romanian 21-year-old-starlet Claudiu Keseru against Ligue 1 opposition Olympique de Marseille in a summer exhibition match which the Canaries won 2-0.

We're Back After a Brief Hiatus; Another ASotD!

2008-07-08T10:45:00.000-07:00

The 4th of July Weekend's festivities had, for better or worse, rendered me unable to post or think much at all about soccer these last several days. Fireworks exploded over our heads while the festivities continued late into the night, but now Absolute Stunners has returned with today's ASotD, a delectable effort from Diego Souza of Palmeiras vs. Atletico Mineiro:

Features coming soon to the blog to look forward to include up-to-date summer transfer analysis, in-depth player profiles, expanded coverage of World Cup Qualifying around the globe, and our exclusive t-shirt sale. Please submit any design concepts through the comments section!

Everybody Loves Raymond

2008-07-03T07:17:00.000-07:00

Or at least the French Football Federation does.

The hapless astrologer was retained as coach of France today in an 18-1 vote of the FFF's Federal Council, despite Jean-Pierre Escalettes, the FFF's president, calling Domenech's Euro 2008 performance "a resounding failure."

Pour quoi grenouilles? Domenech easily beat out Roberto Donadoni, who was just sacked by Italy, for the title of worst coach of the tournament. Still, France feels he is the best man for the job.

Will his inspired selections of septuagenarians Sagnol, Thuram, Makelele, and co. be fitter and more effective in the coming years? Will his insistence to leave Scorpios out of his lineup finally pay dividends in World Cup qualifying? What in the world is France thinking?

Quickly, take a look at France's options up front. Les Bleus have Henry, Trezeguet, and Benzema at their disposal. How does Nicolas Anelka start up front by himself in the opening game of the tournament? Sure Henry was hurt, but even Bafetimbi Gomis is better than the birdman.

Domenech chose to leave Mexes, Trezeguet, Flamini, and Sagna at home. Ok, bold move, don't choose the established stars, bring the youngsters trying to make a name for themselves. Instead, bring Jean-Alain Boumsong, Francois Clerc, and Sebastien Squillaci. What are you doing, Monsieur Domenech?

Between his selections and his tactics, Domenech could do no right. The French finished the tournament 15th out of 16.

Look at his past results, his supporters might say. Domenech led France on a miracle run to the final of World Cup 2006, isn't that impressive enough to keep him around?

That result was no miracle of coaching. Domenech just happened to have the best player in the world, Zidane, play two of the games of the decade against Spain and Brazil. In fact, France won despite the dim-wittery of Domenech, whose stubborn insistence on an aging Fabien Barthez in net continuously threatened to eliminate the otherwise excellent French squad.

France is drawn in World Cup Qualifying with both Romania and Serbia. With Domenech at the helm, there just might not be any French presence in South Africa come 2010.

ASotD Special: Top Five Goals of Euro 08

2008-07-01T16:37:00.000-07:00

Top Goals of Euro 08 video. If you find any others, embed or link in the comments section!

SPAIN WIN EURO 2008! Deutschland Disappointment

2008-06-29T16:23:00.001-07:00

Fernando Torres' 33rd minute poke proved the Championship-winning goal in today's Euro 2008 Final at the Ersnt Happel Stadion in Vienna. The Germans could simply not match the slick passing, clever vision, and swift counterattacks of the Spaniards.

For the Iberians, Joan Capdevilla and Sergio Ramos, at left and right back respectively, were both effective in swooping up the flanks in support of the amazing Andres Iniesta, the stalwart Senna, the superb Cesc, and the shublime Xavi, while lone ranger Torres out-hustled pretty much everyone on the pitch during miraculous spells of intensity. Central defensive chums Carles Puyol and Carlos Marchena Lopez anchored the defense and kept egregious blunders to a minimum. Coach Luis Aragones (soon to lead the way at Turkish club Fenerbache) decided to bring in Xabi Alonso for Cesc, a switch that provided the Spanish midfield a bit more of a conservative outlook on 63 minutes, and soon removed David Silva and Torres for Santi Cazorla and Dani Guiza, and the substitutes were able to contribute to Spain's continued free-flowing forward moves with some flair of their own.

From the German camp, however, clear-cut chances (a mere 4 shots created to Spain's largely superior 14) rarely threatened Iker Casillas, who was called upon mostly to intercept German crosses. Ballack was decent, seeing a volley of his from outside the box bounce inches wide of the post, as was Bastian Schweinsteiger, who was involved in most of the German attacks. A quiet night from Klose did not help the Mannschaft's cause, and Podolski, such a standout in earlier matches this tournament, seemed quite frustrated with his play at several points in the match. German sub Kevin Kuranyi (born in Rio de Janeiro to a German-Hungarian father and a Panamanian mother) was just awful, committing unnecessary fouls and never coming close to scoring. Mario Gomez did not impress either after coming on later in the match.

The worst performance from the German team must surely be attributed to Philipp Lahm; it was his inability to defend Torres correctly that allowed Spain to go 1-0 up shortly after the half-hour. A hopeful throughball from Xavi invited El Nino to burst by the weak Lahm and chip ever so deftly over Lehmann's charging horizontal figure. The ball trickled sweetly into the far side netting, and it was already the beginning of the end for Deustchland's hapless XI.

I do not mean to trash the German side inappropriately. It's just that the better team won the final today. Indeed, Joachim Loew's squad had been described earlier in the competition as "effective," "efficient," and "machine-like," and yes, the Germans normally execute with pitiless precision and use their size to their advantage on set plays. The creative element is often lacking, however, and in a final against a team of Spain's caliber, inspired and clever play is required to earn set pieces or chances on goal from the open game. This deficiency in creativity was evident from about 25 minutes into the match today once things settled and definitely stood in stark contrast to the attacking genius of the Spanish side, which was completely at ease hitting strings of smooth one touch passes around German defenders and willing to attempt difficult throughpasses to set up Torres and streaking wingers. If the Germans can learn anything from this devastating loss, it is that creativity and boldness trump fettered organization and rigidity.

It should be noted that Barcelona midfield custodian Xavi Hernandez in particular played an outstanding offensive game; whenever the attack came through him, it seemed as though Spain had a legitimate chance of scoring, and he exuded composed confidence while in possession of the ball and under pressure. He has always had a knack for making great decisions, and that brilliant quality of his was on display today for all to see as he led the Spanish Armada forward. In my mind, Xavi was the man of the match despite the fact that Torres notched the game-winner.

Congratulations to Spain on the team's first major triumph in 44 years!

Torres Puts Spaniards Ahead in Final, 1-0 at the Half

2008-06-29T12:35:00.000-07:00

Fernando "El Nino" Torres has scored his second goal of the tournament in the first half of the Euro final today to lend Spain the advantage at the half. The Mannschaft will now have to push the issue and bring the game to Los Toros Rojos and very well may be left exposed in the back. David Silva, Fabregas, Torres, Iniesta, and Ramos should look to finish off the Germans on the counter. Post-game analysis to come later...

Cesc Fabregas Highlight Reel

2008-06-29T09:38:00.000-07:00

Before the Euro final today, be sure to have a look at this Fabregas compilation. Ole!

The Absolute Stunners Official European Championships Final Preveiw (ASOECFP)

2008-06-28T09:04:00.000-07:00

Ah finally, the ASOECFP.

Germany vs. Spain- a contrast of styles, cultures, and odiousness.

On one hand, you've got the Spanish playing beautiful flowing football, scoring brilliant team goals after long sequences of connected passes, and basically dominating every game with the exception of the snooze-fest against Italy.

On the other hand, you've got the Germans playing negative football, scoring primarily from headers off set plays, and just squeaking by (they have only won a single match by more than one goal).

As you can see, I am taking an exceedingly neutral approach for this final.

Will it be a celebratory meal of chorizo y cerveza or bier und bratwurst? Let's give these two the classic tale of the tape and see what conclusions we can come up with:

Goalkeeper: Germany has Jens Lehmann. Spain has Iker Casillas. Lehmann did not start for Arsenal this season and has gifted goals to opponents throughout the tournament. Casillas has been solid and made one of the saves of the tournament on Camoranesi in the quarters.

Advantage: Spain

Defense: Conventional wisdom sides with Germany here, and indeed they do have the more disciplined defense. Christophe Metzelder has been one of the top defenders of the tournament, steady on the backline and surprisingly quick coming forward. Spain will play a 4-5-1 in the final, but the attacking tendencies of Sergio Ramos and Joan Capdevila make it more of a 2-7-1. Capdevila in particular rarely plays any defense at all. Still, Spain have been fantastic at not conceding goals. They have allowed only 3 all tournament, while Germany has allowed 6, including 4 in its last two games.

Advantage: Spain- sometimes possession is the best form of defense. Goals Against stats don't lie.

Midfield: This matchup is the most lopsided of them all. Spain has four of the world's finest attacking midfielders. Cesc Fabregas has been a true standout, with two beautiful assists in the game against Russia. Senna gives Spain some muscle and industry so the rest of the midfield can work its magic. Germany's midfield looked outmatched before Ballack was ruled doubtful with a calf injury. Without Ballack, Germany is in serious trouble.

Advantage: Spain

Forwards: Both teams will most likely play with just one--Fernando Torres for Spain and Miroslave Klose for Germany. Klose has been better internationally while Torres has been better for club. Both have been out of form for this tournament. Guiza and Gomez are equally ineffective off the bench.

Advantage: Push

Historical Precedent: In 1938, Germany annexed Austria. The Anschluss, as this annexation is called, was Hitler's first step toward attempting to conquer all of Europe. Placido Domingo, the famed Spanish tenor, put on a performance that really wowed the State Opera House in Vienna sometime in the 1980s or 90s.

Advantage: Eh, physically capturing the Austrian state vs. capturing the hearts and minds of Viennese opera buffs. Let's call this one a draw.

So there you have it--it looks like Spain has a slight advantage in this one, 3-0-2.

Official prediction- open first 15 minutes yields to a cagey, boring match with both teams tentative to go forward. Enters extra time tied at 0-0. Spain nabs two in extra time from Torres and Iniesta to take home the European Championship for the first time since 1964.

ASotD: Guiza vs. Russia

2008-06-27T05:51:00.000-07:00

Spain cruised into the Euro 2008 final with a 3-0 victory over surprise package Russia. Check out Spanish standout Cesc Fabregas' sublime flick in this play. Absolutely Stunning.

An Open Letter to ESPN

2008-06-25T15:48:00.000-07:00

Dear ESPN,

Your coverage of today's semifinal was nothing short of unacceptable.

The final half hour of the game was not broadcast due to a power outage in Austria. Throughout this period viewers of ESPN were subject to the gross ineptitude of Rece Davis and Julie Foudy in the studio and, in a truly surreal twist, footage of German fans in Basel watching the game. This portion of the game was also surely the most exciting part of an excellent game, with the Germans scoring to grab the lead, the Turks equalizing, and then the Germans nabbing the winner in the 89th minute.

You kept making excuses about the coverage, that this problem affects viewers throughout the world, and that "it wasn't our fault." It was.

It all stems from your ridiculous cost-cutting decision to not actually send any personnel to Switzerland or Austria. You send a full set of commentators and camera crew to South Africa to monitor Mariusz Pudzianowski and Magnus Samuelsson lifting Atlas Stones in the farce otherwise known as World's Strongest Man, but you can't shell out for plane tickets for Gray and Rae to call the semifinal of the world's second largest soccer competition.

And you call yourself the Worldwide Leader. Shame.

If ESPN had its own feed coming from, say, Basel, Switzerland, instead of relying on the international feed routed through Austria, there would have been no problem. Do you know what network did just that? Al Jazeera, the famous Bin Laden sympathizers, decided it was worth the investment to have its own feed. Their viewers got to watch the end of that match.

That's not to mention the other problems that sprung up from having Gray and Rae commentate from a closet in Bristol, Connecticut. They had no control over replays or camera angles. Often, the camera would settle on someone in the stands that was obviously prominent to viewers somewhere but was unknown to our commentators, leading to an awkward silence. This happened with Turkish Prime Minister Recep Erdogan approximately 15 times over the course of the tournament, with Rae finally figuring out who he was in today's broadcast due to his juxtaposition with Michel Platini and Angela Merkel, but still unable to attach a name to the Turkish Prime Minister.

Also, as much as we tend to denigrate the work of sideline reporters, they do serve a purpose. It is helpful to have access to the players and coaches on the field to get a sense of how the game is progressing. Rae & co. do a good job of pregame research, but once the action starts, they are completely oblivious to anything happening on the sidelines.

Euro 2008 has been a huge success for your station, and you have reaped some serious financial gains. Do a favor to the fans who support you, and invest some money towards putting together a broadcast worthy of the occasion.

Much love,

The Good Doctor
Absolute Stunners Inc.

ASotD 6/25 and Brief Semih-Final Preview

2008-06-25T10:14:00.001-07:00

Though our focus has been almost exclusively on Europe these last few weeks, our stunner of the day comes from a different continent. Just to prove to you that Europeans aren't the only ones capable of wreaking damage upon the mesh of an opponent's goal from distance, here's Iran's Jevad Nekounam belting one against Kuwait:

Now, back to Europe. Any objective analysis of this game leads to a single conclusion--a lopsided German victory. The Germans have an advantage at every position, except for possibly at goalie (Rustu vs. Lehmann--both are old and error-prone, but Rustu is probably less error-prone) and right back (or wherever else Hamit Altintop plays; he might actually be the most technically gifted player on the field today). Gokhan Zan is the only center back healthy on the Turkish roster. In fact, nobody else is even close.

Altintop and Hakan Balta are the only other two who have played on the back line in this tournament, but both are much more comfortable on the wings. Balta is probably most likely to be the other center back. Sabri Sarioglu, who is on the roster as a defender, but has played midfield for much of the tournament, will most likely come back and play on the left.

That leaves the Turks with 4 holding midfielders (Topal, Aurelio, Karadeniz, and Boral), the mercurial winger Kazim Kazim, two unknowns, and Semih up front. Of the lineup, only Zan, Semih, and a pair of the holding midfielders are likely to be playing familiar positions.

Meanwhile, Germany brings a full healthy roster into the game. Even Torsten Frings, who missed the Portugal match with an injury, is healthy again. Low's biggest question is whether to replace Rolfes or Hitzlsperger with Frings. He also might think about starting Mario Gomez, but I'm going to pretend like he knows what he is doing, and say that Klose will start up front by himself with Podolski in support on the left.

Germany has better quality, depth, fan support, and experience. I still won't make a prediction. It's too painful to pick a soulless, set-piece automaton like the Mannschaft to advance to the final, and if there is any hope left for the continued beauty of the beautiful game, they won't do it.

Looking at it objectively, though, there isn't much of an argument to be made for Turkey. I'm not going to insult your intelligence and pretend like calling Turkey "destiny's team" is some kind of legitimate analysis.

There have been plenty of games where the winning team has eleven players who would not even make the roster of the loser. This game isn't even one of those. Turkey goes in to this match with some real quality. Still, the odds are stacked against the Turks.

I'm going to stop there. I don't want to think anymore about how lopsided this matchup is on paper.

C'mon you Turks.

Il Moustache

2008-06-23T21:00:00.001-07:00

There was just something a bit off about these quarterfinals. You watch these guys play for years and you have some expectation about who is going to do what. Then, you watch them play through the group stage--three games against the best competition Europe has to offer. Now, you are sure you know what to expect. Still, nothing could have prepared you for what happened in Vienna this weekend.

No, not Russia's shock defeat over the Netherlands, nor Turkey's miraculous comeback. The greatest surprise appeared on the upper lip of a certain Italian striker.

Whoops, wrong photo.

There's our man Luca. Toni eschewed his normal clean-shaven look in favor of a Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite-esque adolescent mustache. Aside from being confused for a video game plumber, Toni did a good job of disguising his domestic knack for scoring goals. It seems that when Toni plays for the Azzuri he immediately transforms from Ruud van Nistelrooy to Duncan Ferguson.

Some strikers, it seems, are just not cut out to serve their country internationally. Joachim Low figured this out at some point, realizing that although Mario Gomez won German Footballer of the Year, he's no more effective than Mario Lopez for the Mannschaft. On the flip side of the coin, Low stuck with Podolski, Klose, and Schweinsteiger--a troika that might not turn heads in the Bundesliga, but never fail to impress for the national side.

Luis Aragones needs to learn this lesson as well. To say that Dani Guiza was ineffective against Italy is a gross understatement. Guiza looked like he stumbled onto the wrong pitch, impressively catching the ball with both hands off a beautifully weighted David Silva cross. Of all the uninspired performances in that Italy-Spain clash, he ranked dead last. It was only fitting that he miss his penalty as well. Sure, he scored 27 goals in La Liga this season, but keep him off the field for the national side.

Many will argue that Toni, Gomez, and Guiza are more than capable goalscorers; that they were the victims of a small sample size and impatient coaching. Their poor performances at the Euro should not keep them off the national side.

It runs much deeper than that. All three of these guys are great goalscorers against shite opposition. Their sheer size and ability to finish on an open shot from twelve yards and in makes them lethal weapons against small and disorganized defenses.

Let's review Toni's international goals. He has 15 in 38 appearances for the Azzuri. His only two in a major competition came against the Ukraine at World Cup 2006. He has also scored against Norway, Belarus (3), Scotland (3), the Faroe Islands, and another against the Ukraine. His three most important goals for country have all come against Scotland. In games against France (2), Spain, the Netherlands, Romania, the Czech Republic, the glorious USMNT, Ghana, and Germany, he has come up empty. This fact is true for club as well. Toni led the Bundesliga with 24 goals, but only managed 1 in 8 games against teams 2-5 in the table (Werder, Schalke, Hamburg, and Wolfsburg).

Guiza, with 6 caps to his name, just scored his first in the meaningless encounter against hapless Greece.

In ten combined Euro qualifying and Euro matches, Gomez scored two goals--both against San Marino.

Simply put, domestic goal scoring success is a terrible formula for selecting strikers for a major international tournament. You don't get to see the Duisburg or Derby County defense at the Euro, especially at this point in the tournament.

That's why I expect to see guys who have proven they can score against big time defenses coming up big in the last three games. Fernando Torres did his best work for Liverpool in the Champions' League against the world's best teams (goals against Chelsea, Arsenal, Inter, Marseille, and Porto (2)) . Compare Gomez' Euro record to that of Roman Pavlyuchenko--5 goals in 10 games against England (2), the Netherlands, Sweden, and Spain. Miroslav Klose was the leading scorer of World Cup 2006 and second-leading scorer of World Cup 2002.

Look for these three who have proven they can do it against the best to be the key goalscorers in the semifinals and finals of the Euro.

And just hope Dani Guiza doesn't see the pitch.

Arshavin Compilation

2008-06-23T20:52:00.000-07:00

In honor of Arshavin's dece performance against the Netherlands, we ASers invite you to witness the man himself in action.

(Also note the opening music selection: Radiohead's "Just" off of The Bends.)

Gus' Ruskis Shock Netherlands, Whip Out the Stolichnaya

2008-06-23T19:24:00.000-07:00

In what has to be considered the most outrageous of upsets of Euro 2008, Dutchman Gus Hiddink denied his compatriots a spot in the semifinals in leading a fantastic Russian side past the Oranje 3-1. Goals came courtesy of Roman Pavlyuchenko (56'), Ruud "VanGOL" Van Nistelrooj (86'), Dmitri Torbinski (112!), and Andrei "Looks 17, Shadily Aged 27" Arshavin (116!!).

The Russians and the Dutch threatened each others' goals with exciting attacking play throughout the match, wide open for the most part. One realizes the magnitude of this epic upset when (s)he considers just how convincing a side Marco Van Basten had organized in the previous matches of the tournament; The Dutch midfield comprised of Orlando Engelaar (FC Twente), Nigel de Jong (Hamburg SV), Rafael Van Der Vaart (Hamburg SV), and Dirk Kuyt (Liverpool FC) dominated their opposite numbers of world-class France and Italy (Arjen Robben and Robin VP were utilized as substitutes for chrissake), while an effervescent Gio van Bronckhorst bolted up the flank time and time again to provide wicked service and even an occasional effort on goal. Ruud looked largely comfortable up top, and Wesley Sneijder, whom we at AS had profiled as a player to watch, knocked in an absolute stunner vs. La Belle France and always threatened on the offensive.

Yet it was a Russian XI full of guile that would serve the Dutchmen up an extra-time-pie-in-the-face after a 1-1 draw at 90 minutes. Arshavin in particular was spectacular all along the way, and indeed he deserves the attention he's since requested of top La Liga sides. Though diminutive, the elvin midfielder created myriad opportunities for Hiddink's men with mercurial runs through the Dutch defense and incisive passing that surely made coach Marco queasy. It was only fitting that Andrei score the clinching goal to cap off a groundbreaking, career-boosting display. Even Cesc Fabregas has commented on Spain's need to be wary of Arshavin in the upcoming semifinal. Another reason the Dutch found themselves on their heels and asses was the irrepressible dash of left-sided Yuri Zhirkov, Russia's darting foil to the Dutch Van Bronckhorst. Zhirkov impressed with pacy forays into the attack and decent service for the likes of Pavlyuchenko, who also performed at the highest level.

This Russian side now garners much more respect from pundits and soccer fanatics alike. Will they be the masters of their own destiny and bring the Euro Cup home to the steppes? Let us know what you think in the comments section!

Not-So-Spicy Spain Eliminate Lacklustre Azzuri

2008-06-22T19:03:00.001-07:00

The Spain-Italy quarterfinal today was one of the most anticipated matchups of the knockout stages; unfortunately, it turned out one of the hardest to watch. I must admit that I even fell asleep not once, but several times for five to ten minute spells only to find the score still level at nil. Had I not been constantly prodded in the side to pay more attention, I would have missed the penalty shootout that decided the match. Spanish substitute Cesc Fabregas of Arsenal FC converted the winning spot-kick with confidence, taking advantage of misses from neo-fascist Daniele de Rossi and Antonio Di Natale.

Bright spots in the drab 120 minutes of open play included a classy performance from Valencia's David Silva (someone big should sign him!), who seemed the only Spaniard able to push ahead with any sort of determination and speed, though some of his throughballs flew astray at key moments in the attack. Casillas was rarely threatened but did his job, as did Gigi Buffon, save for one long rip he fumbled onto the post.

Relive the suspense here at AS:

Absolute Stunner of the Day 6/20: Semih Senturk

2008-06-20T14:42:00.000-07:00

The Turks are truly incredible. No other team has come from behind to win a match at this Euro; the Turks have done it three times. Three times! Unbelievable. This time, Klasnic had surely put the Turks away in the 119th minute. Seconds remained; there was some uncertainty as to whether the ref would call the game while Rustu's clearance was still in the air. As it was, play continued long enough for Semih to finagle control of the ball in the box and launch it past an outstretched Pletikosa into the top corner. All of a sudden, Turkey had a lifeline and ancient reserve keeper Rustu came up huge in the penalty shootout to see them through to the semifinals against Germany.

Some assorted points:

-Tuncay, Arda, and Emre Asik all received their second yellow cards and will be out for the semifinal. Tuncay and Arda have been the creators of most of the Turkish chances so far this tournament and Asik is a starting center back. Starting keeper Volkan is still suspended from his red card against the Czech Republic. Emre Gungor, Emre Belozoglu, Tumet Metin, and Servet Cetin are all dealing with injury problems as well. Of that group, only Servet seems like a possibility to return. Additionally, Nihat came off injured at the end of the match. In Turkey's worst case scenario, where none of these nine guys play, the Turks are down to 14 men. Now consider that one of those 14 is the third-string goalkeeper, and two of them are yet to appear in this tournament, and you understand just how thin this Turkish squad is going into the semifinal.

-What a tournament it has been for Barcelona cast-offs. First, Gio van Bronckhorst dazzles for the Netherlands, and now Rustu has a tremendous game for Turkey. Ricardo Quaresma also had some excellent runs of play for Portugal when given the chance. Consider that each of these players was deemed dead weight for Barcelona at some point in their careers and was released by the Catalan giants without even an afterthought. Also consider that if Spain are to lose to Italy (with recent Barcelona cast-off Gianluca Zambrotta in their starting lineup) this weekend, no players on the Barcelona roster will still be left in the Euro semifinal.

-There are more than 2.5 million Turks currently living in Germany, making up approximately 3% of the entire German population. Many of these Turks are guest workers forced to take the jobs that Germans won't take for a fraction of the pay and with little hope of the benefits of citizenship in sight. While Germany-Turkey may not be such a familiar matchup for fans of European football, it certainly is familiar on the playgrounds of Frankfurt and Stuttgart. Turks all over the world would celebrate a semifinal victory euphorically, but it would mean something a little extra special to those 2.5 million and their families back at home. Also of note, two of the Turkish players expected to play a big role in the semifinal, Hamit Altintop and Hakan Balta, were born in Germany.

Absolute Stunners Metaphor of the Day

2008-06-18T13:41:00.001-07:00

Could anything possibly represent France's Euro 2008 experience better than this video of the team bus before yesterday's match against Italy...

Frogs Croak

2008-06-18T08:34:00.000-07:00

Sacre Bleu! Raymond Domenech's French side crashed out of the Euro yesterday with a 2-0 loss to group rivals Italy. All coach Ray Ray had to say after the match was that he was looking forward to marrying his longtime girlfriend. Numerous critics in the French press have called for his immediate resignation, but the official statement on his future will be revealed on July 3, according to the Federation de Football Francais. To the France-Italy match review for a bit, more on the future of the French side to come thereafter...

The first thirty minutes of the match could not have unfolded worse for the French. Luca Toni was sent behind Les Bleus' defense via a hopeful longball, and Eric Abidal's clumsy challenge on the Bayern striker earned him a straight red card and Andrea Pirlo a penalty kick on 25 minutes. The Italy midfielder converted to put Italy up 1-0 against a man-down France. To compound Gallic anxieties, gem winger Franck Ribery had been stretchered off with what was later diagnosed as an ankle sprain and a damaged knee ligament. The French had some opportunities to level, but a truly promising chance to equalize was rare. Roma midfielder Daniele de Rossi put the result beyond doubt with a lame goal in the 62nd minute, his freekick driven low off of wall component Thierry Henry past Coupet into the French net.

To be fair, the French always had to climb a steep uphill yesterday against Italy; no side in the competition would have an easy time overturning an early goal deficit and a red card in addition to the loss of its most creative offensive player while playing a man down. And yes, the French might be considered to have been very unlucky to have suffered the Thierry Henry deflection on Italy's second goal. All that considered, however, blame for this miserable performance lies squarely on the players and their coach. Domenech's weak selections provided the French team with little if any depth (not only in this match, but also the two matches prior to this), and once Franck Ribery went off, no one could really help a fantastic Karim Benzema penetrate the Italian defense. Samir Nasri was strangely brought on for Ribery and soon after subbed out again for Jean Alain Boumsong's grand entry (would much rather have Philippe Mexes come in to shore up the back...), and Nicolas Anelka replaced Sidney Govou later on in the 66th to contribute jack.

One should consider the inspired performance of 20-year-old Benzema and a gritty showing from his Lyon teammate Jeremy Toulalan as consolation. Benzema effectively took over for Ribery in the attack as the sole player willing to take on the Italians, often weaving impressive solo runs past two or three defenders. Toulalan, not usually a standout player for the French, played some decent throughballs into Henry and recovered many balls in the midfield alongside an obviously aging Claude Makelele in a tough duel with Italian counterparts Gattuso and Pirlo.

There is much speculation floating about in the football world about France's future post-Euro 2008. Domenech's position will obviously be reevaluated and older players will have to be replaced, as 36-year-old Lilian Thuram and Makelele have just announced their retirements from the international stage. Those most centrally involved in France's 98, 2000, and 06 successes have passed on, and it is time for Benzema, Nasri, and the rest of the French youth to leave Ligue 1 for better clubs and become the new backbone of the squad.

Group of Death Halftime Bullets

2008-06-17T12:23:00.000-07:00

-Pretend you are the manager of the French national team. You have a ridiculous wealth of world class players at your disposal. Could you possibly put your team in a situation where both Francois Clerc (backup at Lyon) and Jean-Alain Boumsong (chased out of Newcastle) are in your back line? Remember that Domenech did not even name Phillipe Mexes, Bacary Sagna, or Mathieu Flamini to his roster. Ol' Dom doesn't need to consult the stars to know his days are numbered.

-The Dutch are starting 10 different players then they played on Friday (only Engelaar is still in), yet their front line still consists of Van Persie, Robben, and Huntelaar. Wow.

-The French need to score two with ten men and hold the Italians scoreless in order to advance. The only way that is realistically happening is if some Italian gets a red card. Pirlo in particular needs to be very careful defensively. Donadoni might even think about replacing him in order to be safe.

-The amount of Italian complaining if the Dutch lose to Romania would truly be epic. It is ironic that the country that has voted Silvio Berlusconi Prime Minister three times is so quick to complain about corruption and conspiracy. The Romanians have seen most of the early chances, so prepare for some serious Azzuri whining.

NIHAT!!!

2008-06-15T14:14:00.000-07:00

Well that was certainly the match of the tourney so far. What a Turkish comeback! Capping it all off was the ASotD from Nihat in the 89th, two minutes after Cech's slip-up had allowed the Turks to equalize. Rarely will you ever see a goal with such tremendous "shape" to it.

Stunner Day

2008-06-13T18:36:00.000-07:00

Today was officially Stunner Day in the Euro. We'd seen some cracking goals to this point, but the Oranje were on a mission to prove that we were just getting started. An argument could be made that the 3 best goals of the tournament so far all came off Dutch boots in today's match against France. It's a tough choice, but the pick of the lot has to be Arjen Robben's bullet in the 72nd, just a minute after Thierry Henry had halved the Dutch lead with a dainty touch to the far post. The combination of timing and stunnery is truly remarkable.

Without further ado, your ASotD:

Holland are, without a question, the favorites at this point. They have beaten the two World Cup finalists by three goals each. Before the Euro started, I would have said France and Italy have the two best defenses in the tournament. The Dutch have made a mockery of that statement, putting up 7 goals in 2 games.

The Dutch have abused the backs of both Les Bleus and the Azzuri. Luckily for Romania, Holland's next opponent, they wear yellow and they will be likely be facing the Oranje's substitutes. Romania might be less excited to know that the Dutch scrubs are the likes of Klaas Jan Huntelaar, Robin van Persie, and prodigiously talented PSV youngster Ibrahim Affelay.

Oh, and also Italy tied Romania in one of the most exciting games of the tournament, with Buffon brilliantly saving Adrian Mutu's penalty in the 85th. It was a missed chance for the noted drug abuser to get the Romanian fans shouting "Yay-o" after a famous win over the Italians. For Italy, it was just sad to be cheering for a draw against the Romanians.

The current table in Group C looks like this:

1. Holland 6 points

2. Romania 2 points

3. France 1 point

4. Italy 1 point

Holland has clinched the group. If Romania beats Holland, they advance to the knockout stage. If France and Italy tie, Romania advance so long as they lose by less than three goals. France and Italy both need to win and hope Romania does not win. If they tie and Romania lose by 3, all three are tied on points, and if all three score the same number of goals, they are all exactly tied. If this disaster scenario happens, I guess they go to a lottery. Nutty stuff.

I really have no idea what is going to happen here--I can easily foresee all three teams advancing. Your Absolute Stunners official prediction: Romania take all three points from a listless Holland side. Controversy ensues when Donadoni suggests that Van Basten threw the game so as to avoid Italy in the semifinals.

Final Standings:

1. Holland

2. Romania

3. Italy

4. France

Thursday Ruminations

2008-06-12T11:20:00.000-07:00

Breaking down Groups A + B...

Group A

Portugal 6 points

Czech Republic 3 points

Turkey 3 points

Switzerland 0 points

Portugal has clinched 1st place in Group A. Switzerland has been eliminated. The Czech Republic are tied on points (3), goal differential (-1), goals scored (2), and goals against (3). The winner of the game between the Czechs and Turks clinches 2nd place and moves on to the knockout stage. If they are tied after 90 minutes, the game will go straight into a shootout (no extra time).

The Portugal-Switzerland match is so irrelevant we may even see Helder Postiga up front for the Portuguese.

The Czech Republic-Turkey match should be epic. Both teams are likely to come out somewhat tentatively, eager not to allow a key early goal. So far this tournament, the Turks have shown more creativity in the midfield, while the Czechs have looked a bit more steady on the back line. If it comes down to penalties, the Czechs will feel very secure with the world-class Petr Cech in net, but Turkey's Volkan Demirel may actually be the better stopper of penalties (check out his work against Sevilla in this year's Champions' League--the last save on Alves is particularly impressive).

Official prediction--Turkey 1 Czech Republic 1, Turks go through on penalties.

Final Group standings: 1. Portugal 2. Turkey 3. Czech Republic 4. Switzerland

Group B

Austria and Poland are still to play, but here are the various scenarios in Group B...

If Austria wins...

1. Croatia 6 points

2. Austria 3 points

2. Germany 3 points

4. Poland 0 points

In this scenario, Croatia clinches first place in the group and the Austrians and Germans meet on Monday with everything to play for. The margin of Austrian victory over Poland dictates who goes through if the two tie. The Poles are eliminated.

If Poland wins...

1. Croatia 6 points

2. Germany 3 points

3. Poland 3 points

4. Austria 0 points

In this scenario, Austria is eliminated and no team has clinched a spot in the second round. Poland needs to either kill Austria today or beat Croatia by more than one goal on Monday to advance over the Croats on goal differential. The Germans will advance if it comes down to a three way tie settled on goal difference.

If Poland and Austria tie...

1. Croatia 6 points

2. Germany 3 points

3. Austria 1 point

4. Poland 1 point

In this scenario, Poland is eliminated and Croatia clinches first place in the group. Austria needs to beat Germany to advance, while Germany only needs a point to claim second place and a date with Portugal in the quarterfinals.

Obviously, Croatia is hoping for an Austria result, while Germany is happiest with a tie or a Poland victory. A tie gives Germany the best chance of advancing, while a Poland win is necessary for Germany to win the group. At the moment, each team controls its own destiny.

Official Prediction--Poland and Austria tie, Germany beats Austria, Poland picks up at least a point against Croatia.

Final Standings--1. Croatia 2. Germany 3. Poland 4. Austria

ASotD 6/11: Arda Turan

2008-06-11T13:42:00.000-07:00

Today's Absolute Stunner comes from rainy Basel. Down a goal, with the pitch in remarkably poor condition, Turkish hopes at a win looked as doomed as their accession to the European Union. Suddenly, Senturk finished with a towering header off "the cross of the tournament"* from Nihat and the Turks were back in the thick of things. Finally, this deflected strike from Arda in the 92nd minute finished the comeback for the Turks. Huge matchup coming up on Sunday between the Turks and Czechs with qualification for the knockout stage on the line. Turkiye!!

Sidenote: I really like these Turk-quoise uniforms that Turkey's been wearing. Flashy stuff.

*Andy Gray

Nothing like a good soccer brawl...

2008-06-11T10:29:00.000-07:00

As this quite thrilling Portugal-Czech game comes to a close, check out what happened last time the two teams taking part in the late game met. The Swiss went into Turkey and got into a fight with the Turks. Note: Never pick a fight with a Turk in Turkey. They end up fleeing into the tunnel, with some Swiss player kicking a Turkish assistant coach.

Will some of this bad blood carry over into this afternoon's game or will the Swiss remain neutral?

Congrats to the Good Doctor

2008-06-10T15:44:00.001-07:00

The Good Doctor deserves a congratulatory post for his spookily accurate prediction of the Sweden-Greece match today.

Zlatan indeed scored a stunner, and Sweden triumphed 2-0. Spot on doc, spot on!

Zlatan!

2008-06-10T11:16:00.001-07:00

As we wait for Game 2 between Greece and Sweden to start here on Group D Day, it seems appropriate to display the goal of the tournament from Euro 2004 from Zlatan Ibrahimovic.

Don't bet against Zlatan scoring a stunner in this match. Official Absolute Stunners prediction: Sweden-2 Greece-0.

ASotD 6/10: David Villa

2008-06-10T10:54:00.000-07:00

The Absolute Stunner of the Day goes to hat-trick hero David Villa. The pick of the lot was the third--after being slotted through by Cesc, Villa takes over.

Spain looked pretty tough to beat today. More later on how they compare to the other top sides of the tournament so far.

For all you Spain/Liverpool/Torres fans...

2008-06-09T19:10:00.000-07:00

Thought this was a good way to get excited for tomorrow's early match. Great new advertisement featuring Zigguito...

ASotD: Sneijder vs. Italy

2008-06-09T17:17:00.000-07:00

We at AS previewed Wesley Sneijder for a reason. The Real Madrid midfield star gets off to a great start at the Euro with this delectable finish against Italy. The battle of opposite colors ended Oranje 3 x 0 Azzuri.

Ruud Not Offside

2008-06-09T12:38:00.000-07:00

The entire ESPN crew, from Gray to Foudy, declared Ruud's opener to be offside. They are wrong. Let's review the video:

Van der Vaart's free kick comes in deep to the back post; Buffon swats it away with his left hand, knocking down his right back Panucci in the process. Panucci stays down beyond the end line as the ball comes down for van Bronckhorst. Van Bronckhorst then rips a shot that is poached into the back of the net by van Nistelrooy, who is clearly behind the defense. Offside right? No! Everyone has forgotten about Christian Panucci. He is still sitting behind the goal.

Any player beyond the endline counts as if they were on the endline, otherwise players could just dart off the field and force an offside position. Similarly, attacking players could hang out just beyond the goal line and then skip back on to the field after the ball is played. This rule is regularly enforced for players in the goal, but this sort of scenario rarely comes up.

The vertical replay that ESPN keeps replaying does not have Panucci in the picture. From that angle, van Nistelrooy clearly appears offside. However, Van Nistelrooy is clearly at least 5 yards up the field from Panucci. Tough to blame the Italian defense that assumed they had left van Nistelrooy in an offside position and great field awareness (or just good fortune) from van Nistelrooy to realize that he was not.

Weekend Roundup

2008-06-08T17:48:00.000-07:00

Let's start with the stunner of the day--Lukas Podolski's second against Poland:

Speaking generally, it's been a very formulaic tournament so far. All four favorites have won, with the favorites to win their respective groups (Germany and Portugal) winning 2-0 and the other winners taking it by a score of 1-0. There have been surprises in the run of play but none in the scorelines. Today, Austria and Poland dominated large parts of their games but came away with nothing to show for their efforts. We haven't gotten our first truly great game or goal, but sometimes these big tournaments start off a little slow. Anyway, with tomorrow's massive group C clashes on the docket, we should not have to wait much longer.

There certainly have been some bright spots so far in these generally dour first two matchdays. In no particular order, here is a list of those performances that have impressed me the most:

Pepe (Portugal)- dominant in the back and scorer of a very impressive goal. Rarely do you ever see a center back capable of coming forward and taking part in the kind of passing exchange that led to the Real Madrid man's well-taken strike. Arguably the most impressive all-around performer of the tournament thus far.

Bosingwa (Portugal)- the recent Chelsea signing demonstrated his worth for the Portuguese as

a constant attacking threat from the right back position. Bosingwa has the rare attribute of fully incorporating himself in the attack without ever compromising his defensive positioning. As an Arsenal fan, it's too bad he is going to west London in the fall.

Servet Cetin (Turkey)- the Galatasaray center back's nickname is Ayibogan, which translates to "man who could choke a bear." Not sure how all of that is conveyed in a single word, but Servet looks like he would be more in place at the World's Strongest Man Competition with Magnus Samuelsson and Mariusz Pudzianowski than on the pitch against Cristiano. In addition to being the strongest player in this tournament, Cetin is deceptively quick and completely shut down Nuno Gomes up front for Portugal. Rumored to be headed to a larger club outside of Turkey in the upcoming year.

Lukas Podolski (Germany)- see above. Podolski scored two against his birth country to make an early bid for the golden boot. A natural forward, Podolski was lined up as a midfielder wide on the left by coach Jochim Low, giving the Germans three genuine striking options with Klose and Gomez. After a couple of really tough seasons on the domestic stage with Bayern Munich, it is good to see Podolski regain his international form from the previous World Cup.

Austria- Surprisingly chippy in their opener against Croatia, the Austrians have already shed the title of "worst team to ever play in the Euro," even if they still contrived to lose. Pogatetz remains a liability.

Andy Gray- His caustic wit and knowledge of the game is a pleasant change from the usual ESPN drivel. My only concern is that he punches Julie Foudy in the face for her footballing ig'nance.

See you tomorrow for the group of death.

Announcement

2008-06-07T15:51:00.000-07:00

Due to a lack of any footballing behavior that could be considered stunning or even mildly pleasing, the Swiss and Czech teams are heretofore banned from this blog until further notice. Please adhere to this announcement in the commenting section. Thank you.

-A.S.

Quick Tactical Note on Switzerland-Czech Republic

2008-06-07T08:33:00.000-07:00

The lineups:

Switzerland- (4-4-2) Benaglio, Magnin, Senderos, Muller, Lichtsteiner, Barnetta, Fernandes, Inler, Behrami, Streller, Frei

Czech Republic- (4-1-2-2-1) Cech, Jankulovski, Rozehnal, Ujfalusi, Grygera, Galasek, Polak, Jarolim, Plasik, Sionko, Koller

Not too many surprises here. The Czechs decide to go with the dinosaur (based on appearance, not age, but the moniker is beginning to apply to both) Koller up front by himself and leave Baros on the bench. Coach Karel Bruckner is playing this one very conservatively, relying on his mostly Italian-based backline to hold the Swiss scoreless.

Andy Gray called the Czechs Czechoslovakia, there is some kind of trippy opening ceremony involving cows, marshmallow people, and pixellated art, and we are just about ready to begin.

Group C Preview

2008-06-07T05:41:00.000-07:00

Fun Fact: This is far and away the hardest group. Interestingly enough, Romania actually had finished top of its qualifying group ahead of the Netherlands by a full three points. Whoever is quick to write off the Red, Yellow, and Blue (ahem, ESPN's Dominic Raynor, see article here) should seriously consider that coach Victor Piturca's side netted an impressive 26 goals during the qualifying campaign.

The Contenders:

Italy- Ranked 3 in latest FIFA rankings behind Argentina and Brazil. Winners of FIFA World Cup 2006, Euro 2000 finalists. A reasonable pick to win it all at the end of the month.

Player to Watch: Andrea Pirlo (AC Milan)

Midfielder Pirlo, at 29, is a highly experienced field marshall for the Italians, having been capped at the senior national level 46 times since 2002. He's won the Champions League with AC Milan, and was an integral part of the World Cup side that downed current group rivals France at WC '06 in penalties, knocking his effort coolly past Gregory Coupet. Pirlo was named man-of-the-match twice during the tournament in Germany. In his U-21 days, he captained the Italians to that age group's Euro Championship in 2000. His pace-setting patience, peripheral vision, and incisive passing will surely provide the Azzurri attack with myriad opportunities going forward. Be sure to keep an eye out for his free-kick abilities as well, as he's blasted home a couple of stunners this season in Serie A; when striking from distance, he often hits the ball head-on over the defensive wall in a manner similar to Cristiano Ronaldo's, and both achieve this wobbling, dipping trajectory that when destined for target usually fools keepers.

Key Question: How important will the recent training ground injury to former World Player of the Year Fabio Cannavaro (Real Madrid) prove with respect to coach Roberto Donadoni's plans? Cannavaro is the cornerstone of the Italians' defensive rampart and is usually entrusted with the responsibility of captaining the XI. Donadoni certainly will have a hard time compensating for this unfortunate loss, and the Italians may very well find themselves conceding goals to the likes of Romania's Adrian Mutu (Fiorentina), France's Karim Benzema (Olimpique Lyonnais) and Thierry Henry (Barcelona), or any of the Netherlands' offensive weapons without Cannavaro's commanding presence in the central defense. Gennaro "The Bulldog" Gattuso (AC Milan) will have to play even more conservatively in his midfield patrol to cover for what will undoubtedly prove to be a gaping hole in the Italian defense.

Relevant Literary Quotation: "O mihi praeteritos referat si Iuppiter annos!" (If only Jupiter would restore me those bygone years!) -Virgil, The Aeneid

Team Prognostication: 7 points from a possible 9 will put the experienced Italians into the next round.

France- Ranked 7 in the most recent FIFA rankings. Some recent highlights: Euro 2000 Champions, World Cup 98 Champions, World Cup 2006 Finalists. A mix of experience (Makelele (Chelsea), Thuram (Barcelona), Anelka (Chelsea), and Henry (Barcelona) have been part of the senior side for years now) and fresh talent (Nasri (Olympique de Marseille/Arsenal), Benzema (Olympique Lyonnais), and Gomis (St. Ettiene) are blossoming) should be a formula for success.

Players to Watch: Franck Ribery (Bayern Munchen) and Thierry Henry

Franck "Franckenstein" Ribery, the former Marseille winger who now offers his services to Bundesliga side Bayern Munich, is an explosive right-footed player sometimes deployed on the left to allow room for devastating runs crossfield. His dribbling skills are unparalleled on the French team, and his lightning pace and slick play-making prowess are invaluable assets in Les Bleus' offense. Ribery is also known as a clinical finisher, and he may be heavily relied upon to provide goals if Thierry Henry fails to rise to the occasion for France as he often has in the past.

We frog fans are hoping for an inspired last effort from talismanic striker Henry. He shone brilliantly for Arsenal, but since his move to Barcelona has become unsettled. This past campaign in La Liga, a third place finish, was widely considered a massive disappointment for both him personally and Barcelona as a club. Henry has stated that this may be his final major tournament for the F.F.F., so he should be striving to go out with a bang.

Key Question: Will coach Raymond Domenech's absurd selections hinder French progress deep into the tournament? Domenech selected perennial failure Jean-Alain Boumsong (Lyon) even after numerous blunders for club (especially during his tenure at Newcastle United) and country, scrub Francois Clerc (Lyon), and left out David Trezeguet (Juventus) and Djibril Cisse (Marseille). Soccer writer Paul Marshall wrote a brilliant analysis of Domenech's selections at ESPN's soccernet. Be sure to check it out here before France play on Monday against Romania. It will be interesting to see whether the French squad's substitutions and reserves answer successfully when called upon to support what the starting XI have established.

Relevant Literary Quotation: "Each player must accept the cards life deals him, but once they are in hand, he alone must decide how to play the cards in order to win the game." -Voltaire

Team Prognostication (Hopeful): France takes a maximum 9 points and wins the tournament.

The Netherlands: Ranked 10 in the latest FIFA rankings. Euro 2004 Semifinalists. The Oranje traditionally play what is known as "Total Football," a style characterized by smooth movement of the ball from defense through midfield to the forwards, and are often tactically well organized. Touted as potential favorites for most tournaments, it is about time the Netherlands delivered the hammer.

Player to Watch: Wesley Sneijder (Real Madrid)

Sneijder is without question one the Netherlands' best players, along with Rafael Van Der Vaart (Hamburg SV), Robin Van Persie (Arsenal), and the young Klaas-Jan Huntelaar(Ajax. He controls the midfield as an efficient attack-minded commanding officer, and possesses among the top dead-ball strikes in the world. His stellar play for Madrid helped the White and Purple win La Liga's title this past season. In his debut for Madrid he scored the winning goal against derby rivals Atletico, and followed that spectacular performance with a two-goal outing against eventual second place Villareal. In 30 appearances for RMCF, Sneijder scored nine goals, while proving his worth in both central and wing roles. With Ryan Babbel (Liverpool F.C.), club teammate Ruud van Nistelrooy and the just-injured Arjen Robben, van Persie, and Huntelaar his colleagues in the attack, Sneijder has a wonderful opportunity to create chances and finish them off in sweet, free-flowing moves. Check out this stunner:

Key Question: How long will Robben be out? Marco Van Basten is surely concerned that Robben has picked up an injury in training and already has ruled out playing in the Oranje's opening match. The pacy winger has also had a fine season with Real Madrid and his service into the box for the likes of Van Nistelrooy and K-J Huntelaa...aaar.

Relevant Literary Quotation: "For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream." -Vincent Van Gogh (he has Oranje hair...ha)

Team Prognostication: A shock loss to Romania will leave Van Basten's side in 3rd place, another disappointing outing.

Romania- Ranked 12 (Woah! ahead of Mexico, Cameroon, Ghana, and Croatia?) in the latest FIFA classifications. How did that happen? As mentioned above, the Romanians actually finished ahead of the Dutchmen in the qualifying group; coach Victor Piturca's men shan't be totally ruled out, but will be the least likely team to progress.

Player to Watch: Adrian Mutu (Fiorentina)

Mutu led the Romanian squad in scoring during its impressive qualifying campaign with a total of 6 goals. The former Chelsea striker is well traveled within the Italian Serie A, but has settled in quite nicely for this past season's UEFA cup semifinalists Fiorentina with 33 goals in 62 appearances. Interestingly, Romania have only lost one game out of 25 in which Mutu has netted at least once. He is more or less a classic center forward and finishes well in the box and slightly beyond. His strength, balance, and tenacity have made him one of the premier forwards in Italy this season. Let's see if he can continue to tap into this rich vein of form in Group C; without him, Dracula and the rest of Romania will lament a lame showing in Austria/Switzerland.

Key Question: Who besides Mutu can contribute a game-changing performance? Look for Mutu's strike partner Ciprian Marica (Stuttgart), who had five goals in qualifying as the team's second leading scorer, to step it up on the big stage. Another important source of goals for the Romanians may be set pieces, with beast-man Christian Chivu crashing for headers.

Here's a neat effort from Marica vs. Russia:

Relevant Literary Quotation: "Reality is not simply there, it must be searched out and won." -Paul Celan

Team Prognostication: Last place in the group, but at least one absolute stunner to cherish.

Absolute Stunners Lookalike of the Day

2008-06-05T14:38:00.000-07:00

Fernando "Zigguito Stardust" Torres arrived in Austria today. Ground control to Major Luis: if he plays as tough as he looks, you may need to make some changes.

Group B Preview: Part 1

2008-06-04T08:21:00.000-07:00

Fun fact: Of the six forwards on the German roster, only two were born in Germany (Odonkor and Gomez) and all six are first generation immigrants. Of the 23 players on the Austrian roster, all 23 suck.

The Contenders:

Austria- Ranked 92 in the latest FIFA rankings (only one spot behind Mozambique!). Automatic qualifier (hosts). Widely considered the worst team to ever participate in the Euro.

Player(s) to Watch: Trix and Flix

These androgynous chaps serve as mascots for Euro 2008. Despite their decision to team up to perform in a music video with Shaggy, they are more likely to do anything exciting than anyone on the Austrian roster.

In all seriousness, their best player is Roland Linz, who plies his trade at Sporting Braga in the perpetual mid-table of the Portuguese Superliga. He scores a few goals for them, and has seven career goals for his country. He is described as "much-travelled" and "not bad," which makes him much better than the other Austrians.

Another Austrian superstar is defender Emanuel Pogatetz, who you may know better as "that guy who gets megged by Cristiano Ronaldo when C-Ron plays against Middlesbrough."

Key Question: How important is home-field advantage? Look, even South Korea was able to reach the semi-finals of the World Cup when they hosted in 2002. Home-field advantage can be massive in major tournaments. The problem for Austria is that unlike South Korea, the teams it competes against will feel right at home as well. Unfortunately, they have drawn three geographic near-neighbors in the group stage. Austria and Germany share a border and Croatia and Poland are separated from Austria by Slovenia and the Czech Republic respectively.

Will the proud sons of Deutschland be out to support their Mannschaft in Vienna on June 16? Ja, doch.

Stripped of their home-field advantage, what do the Austrians have going for them other than some of the most sensible names in the tournament (Jurgen Macho and Andreas Ivanschitz)? These guys don't stand a strudel's chance in a gondola of advancing beyond the first round.

Relevant Literary Quotation: "There is hope, but not for us." -Franz Kafka

(Alternatively, "As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic insect." -Kafka, The Metamorphosis)

Team Prognostication: 0 points, -8 goal differential, gracious hosts.

Croatia- ranked 15th in the latest FIFA rankings. Beat England twice to win its group and qualify for the Euro. Somehow passed by Mexico and Cameroon in the last month to move down from 13th.

Player to Watch: Luka Modric, Midfielder, Tottenham Hotspur

The 2007 Croatian Player of the year was just signed for a club record 21 million euros by Tottenham. The Euro will be the 22 year-old's chance to formally introduce himself to the greater European community and show why he was worth the dolla-dolla bills. The two-footed diminutive midfielder is more of a playmaker, but has shown a well-developed capability to score goals for Dinamo Zagreb, tallying 29 in 98 games for the club.

Modric's style of play is reminiscent of Alex Hleb, except he has a touch more pace and a much greater propensity to finish. He also has a trademark goal celebration where he unleashes a backflip that would make Lomano Tresor Lua Lua proud. Don't be surprised if Modric does some backflipping across Austria before this tournament is over.

Key Question: Who plays up front? Brazilian-born Eduardo da Silva was the first name on coach Slaven Bilic's team sheet until he went down with a horrific injury for Arsenal this spring. Now Bilic has to make some tactical decisions about who he deploys up top. Mladen Petric and Ivica Olic are the natural choices, as they split time along with Dudu throughout qualifying. However, Bilic may be tempted to change his tactics entirely and play a single forward and a five-man midfield.

Goals should not be hard to come by for this Croatian team. Petric and Olic are proven goal scorers, if not transcendent superstars. Modric and Niko Kranjcar (see earlier profile) are two of Europe's up-and-coming studs who are able to score goals as well. Midfielder Niko Kovac and his brother, defender Robert Kovac, represent the Croatian old guard and are serious aerial threats. The question is not if Croatia can score, but if they can find a reliable goal-scorer. All of these players are first quality, but Croatia will need someone to shoulder the goal scoring load to proceed to the semi-finals and beyond.

Hrvatska is probably the most underrated team going into this tournament. Though they beat out England in qualifying, most soccer analysts would be loathe to mention them in the same breath as Germany, Portugal, France, Holland, and Spain as possible contenders to win the Euro. I think they belong in that group. Strong in the back and with creative attacking verve, Croatia are for real.

Relevant Literary Quotation: "Mila kura si planina." -Tony Henry, British singer attempting to sing the Croatian national anthem at a Euro qualifier (translation: "My dear, my penis is a mountain.")

Team Prognostication: 6 points, good for second place and qualification to the knockout stage.

ASotD: Nakazawa vs. Oman (WC 2010 Qualifier)

2008-06-04T07:48:00.001-07:00

An audacious diving header from Nakazawa is only the beginning of Oman's misery as Japan go on to win 3-0.

ASotD 6/3: Petr Sykora

2008-06-02T23:48:00.000-07:00

OK, so this may be slightly off-topic, but it is a Czech finding the upper corner from distance with a screamer. Incredible stuff, Sykora tells the sideline reporter he is going to score and then lives up to his word in triple overtime. I'd still rather have watched yesterday's China-Qatar thrilling nil-nil World Cup qualifier.

Group D Preview

2008-06-02T13:47:00.000-07:00

Fun Fact: Group D is the only group whose members' languages use three different alphabets. Brush up on your cyrillic characters and join me as I preview the final group of Euro 2008.

The combatants:

Greece- The holders! 8th in the latest FIFA rankings. Greece have to be considered favorites to go through based on the numbers.

Player to Watch: Antonis Nikopolidis, Goalie, Olympiacos.

Old man river just keeps on rolling. Nikopolidis is old--he turned 37 in January--but he looks positively elderly. His work in net was vital to Greece's Euro 2004 victory. Is the Ancient Greek still capable of carrying Hellas upon his shoulders or has arthritis set in? Greece has a very capable backup in Kostas Chalkias, but Nikopolodis' performance will be key to Greece's Euro 2008 performance.

Key Question: Can they score? Goumas, Dellas, Kyrgiakos, Seitaridis, et al. are class defenders. The goalkeeping should be competent at least. Karagounis, Giannokoupolos, and

Katsouranis are all very capable defensive-minded midfielders. Defensively, Greece is as sound as anyone in this tournament, with the possible sole exception of Italy.

Up front, Greece appears to be lacking. Angelos Charisteas, offensive star of Euro 2004, has done little since then. Regardless, he is still capable of climbing the ladder and finishing with his head. He is severely lacking in any sort of on-ball skill or creativity.

Georgios Samaras was the face of mediocrity at Manchester City and now plies his trade at Celtic. Still mediocre.

Fanis Gekas had a hat trick against Malta. Unfortunately for him the Maltans failed to qualify. Gekas is a capable scorer in the Bundesliga, but his finest attribute is scoring against incompetent defenses (see Malta) and there just aren't many of those in Euro 2008.

Relevant Literary Quotation: "It is not possible to fight beyond your strength, even if you strive." -Homer, The Iliad

Team Prognostication: 2 goals and 3 points in 3 games earns them third place in the group and an early flight back to the Hellespont.

Russia- 25th in the latest FIFA rankings. Russia are the youngest team in the tournament, with an average age of just over 26.

Player(s) to Watch- The Brothers Berezutski, defenders, CSKA Moskva.

Bond Villains! The Berezutski twins (Vasili is on the left, Alexei on the right) crack heads for the old Soviet military side domestically (which now features green-haired Brazilians) and look to take their brand of heavy-handed skullduggery to their international stage. These two KGB assassins have already eliminated her majesty's finest footballers in qualifying, so Greece and Sweden don't exactly intimidate them. They also think Gorbachev was a pussy for pursuing glasnost and

perestroika.*

Key Question: How good is the Russian Premier League? Zenit St. Petersburg shocked a lot of people by winning this year's UEFA cup. The Russian domestic game just isn't as highly regarded as the major Western European leagues, but their European success in the last few years has been nearly on par with France, Portugal, and Scotland. Almost the entire roster

plays in Russia. Will they be able to compete with the players from more "major" leagues?

The Russian player I am most familiar with is Alexander Kerzhakov, forward from Sevilla. He was a key piece of their 2007 UEFA cup winning team and a quite talented forward. Russia coach Guus Hiddink didn't even think Kerzhakov was in their top 25. If this Russian team truly has 25 players that are more talented than Kerzhakov, the rest of Europe could be in for quite a surprise. Alternatively, Hiddink may just be making an awful selection error.

Relevant Literary Quotation: "You will die - and it will be all be over." Tolstoy, War and Peace

Team Prognostication: 1 point and last place in Group D.

Spain- 4th in the latest FIFA rankings. Spain are unbeaten in their last 15 matches. Considered among the favorites to win the whole tournament.

Player to Watch: Marcos Senna, holding midfielder, Villareal.

Sure, you might have expected to see one of Spain's name brand stars here, but the most important player for Spain in this tournament won't be Fabregas, Torres, Villa, Iniesta, Xavi or Xabi Alonso (though, holy bacalao, that is quite a list). The key will be 31 year-old Brazilian born midfielder Senna and his role in shutting down Europe's premier attacks. Aragones has 4 of the world's top 20 attack-minded midfielders on his roster in Fabregas, Iniesta, Xavi, and Xabi Alonso, but he will have to resist the temptation to play all these guys together, and

instead rely on the more workmanlike Senna as his fourth midfielder. Which of these four sits is up to Aragones. To be honest, I am not sure it matters (though it would be a crime to sit Cesc). To be successful, you need to have at least one guy in the midfield dedicated primarily to ball-winning and defensive duties. Italy has Gattuso, France has Viera and Makelele, Germany has Frings, Portugal has Petit, etc. Spain is the only team that at times tries to go without this sort of player, counting on its creative little guys to control the midfield. The enforcer, Senna, needs to be on the field and in his top form. If he is, Spain could be considered favorites to win the Euro.

Oh and also, he scored one of the absolute stunners of the season:

Key Question: Can Spain finally win the big one? The Spanish national team has only one major tournament in their history--the 1964 Euro which they hosted. Pundits pick Spain to

win at every tournament, but they are always wrong. Spain often starts strong before blowing it in the latter stages. Look at World Cup 2006: Spain looked the best in the tournament after the group stage, with 8 goals scored versus just a single goal conceded. However, the round of 16 saw Spain crash out against France. There appears to be little doubt that Spain will progress from this group, but many experts also give them no chance to win against Europe's finest in the knockout stage.

La Furia Roja come into Euro 2008 with their strongest squad in years. Their attack just narrowly edges out Portugal for the most dangerous in the tournament. Goalie Iker Casillas ranks with Italy's Buffon and the Czech's Cech as the finest in Europe. The defense is highly capable as well, though not as highly ranked as the team's other components. Now is the time for Spain to finally break through and win the big one.

Relevant Literary Quotation: "Can we ever have too much of a good thing?" -Cervantes, Don Quixote

Team Prognostication: 7 points and a group D victory

Sweden- 23rd in the latest FIFA rankings. Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, SVENSKA!

Player to Watch: Zlatan Ibrahimovic, forward, Internazionale Milano.

Don't mess with the Zlatan. The horse-faced (note: horse-faced is a co-registered trademark of Ruud Van Nistelrooy and Ronaldinho Gaucho) Swedish striker scored 17 in only 26 games for Inter this season. Mr. Z is usually the best player on the pitch, regardless of opposition. He is also the winner of the 2007 guldbollen, awarded to the Swedish player of the year. Ibrahimovic scored the goal of the 2004 Euro tournament, somehow chipping Gigi Buffon off a volley with his back to goal.

Despite his prodigious talents, Zlatan can be moody, is oft injured, and can serve as a serious distraction to his teammates. At a 2006 qualifier for the Euro away at Liechtenstein, he, Christian Wilhelmsson, and Olof Mellberg were caught violating curfew at a nightclub. Rather than apologize and accept coach Lars Lagerback's one game suspension (as the other two did), Ibrahimovic decided to pout and skip the next four Sweden games. Were he any old mortal, he would probably be banished from international play, but he is Zlatan, so coach Lagerback had no choice to take him back.

For Sweden to succeed at Euro 2008, Zlatan will need to play like Zlatan for his country. He hasn't scored for Sweden since October 2005, so he will need to find his form again in blue and yellow.

Key Question: Are they too old? Undoubtedly Freddie Ljungberg and Henrik Larsson are two of the best players of the last decade. They are both also unquestionably past their respective primes and some have suggested that they be taken out to pasture internationally. Both bring a considerable level of experience at a tournament of this magnitude, such that the pressure of a potential elimination match on the 18th of June against Russia might not faze them in the same way it might the younger Russians. The Swedes also have a number of stars still in their prime, such as Kim Kallstrom and Johan Elmander, both familiar names to fans of Ligue 1.

At big tournaments, fortune often favors the experienced (see France, Italy, World Cup 2006). Euro 2008 could be the last international appearance for both Ljungberg and Larsson, so their will to succeed will be great. Additionally, neither player has played such an exhausting domestic season that has worn down many of their potential opponents. Ljungberg has made 25 appearances this season, many of them as a reserve. Larsson has only played 9 games in all of 2008, so he should be particularly fresh for the Euro. In contrast, Cesc Fabregas has played in 99 games for Arsenal over the last two years. The old folks for Sweden should have that spring back in their step for the month of June.

Relevant Literary Quotation: "The spectacles of experience; through them you will see clearly a second time." -Henrik Ibsen (note: Ibsen is not actually Swedish, but Norwegian, but I will assume Ibsen would be glad to support his Scandinavian brethren.)

Team Prognostication: 4 points, 2nd place in group D, after defeating Russia while Greece loses to Spain on the final day of the group stage.

*Unverified

ASotD: Flores vs. Columbus Crew

2008-06-01T16:52:00.000-07:00

A sick volley from Jorge Flores of Chivas USA vs. Columbus Crew from May 31. About 25 seconds into video.

ASotD 5/31: Joao Moutinho

2008-05-31T11:06:00.000-07:00

Check out this strike from 21 year old Sporting Lisbon captain Joao Moutinho. Moutinho juggles twice before volleying goalwards, beating the hapless Georgian keeper. Think Portugal has enough attacking weapons?

ASotD 5/30: David Villa

2008-05-30T11:36:00.000-07:00

The situation: March 26, key pre-Euro friendly between behemoths Spain and Italy tied at 0-0 in the 77th minute. 2006 FIFA world player of the year Fabio Cannavaro loops a lackadaisical clearing header to the corner of the box. Gigi Buffon, the world's pre-eminent keeper, mans the net. Enter David Villa to produce what is for my money the goal of the year...

ESPN Euro Announcing Teams

2008-05-29T15:33:00.000-07:00

ESPN released its announcing teams today and it's great news. See if you recognize an addition to the ESPN team...

Studio Team: Rece Davis, Rob Stone and Julie Foudy
Play by Play: Derek Rae and Adrian Healey
Analysts: Andy Gray, Tommy Smyth, and Robbie Mustoe
Reporter: Pedro Gomez

via awfulannouncing.com

Holy crap..Andy Gray!!! How did ESPN get their hands on him? Anyway, the improvement from the Dave O'Brien/Marcelo Balboa days of World Cup 2006 is vast. This is probably the first time I have said this regarding their soccer coverage but, Kudos ESPN.

ASotD: Pogrebnyak vs. Serbia

2008-05-29T05:46:00.000-07:00

UEFA Cup winners Zenit St. Petersburg's Pavel Pogrebnyak steps up on the international stage to blast home a delicious free kick vs. Serbia in a Euro 2008 warm-up for the Ruskis. This even made SportsCenter's Top Plays.

Horrendous American Display at Wembley

2008-05-28T17:38:00.000-07:00

The senior US squad fell to an uninspired English side 2-0 at Wembley today, with goals courtesy of captain John Terry (38') and obvious man-of-the-match Steven Gerrard (59'). Good to see Terry climb out of the massive hole he dug himself into at the Champions League final (see replay of the tragedy here). Gerrard's goal made the American defense look amateurish, the Liverpudlian streaking onto a gorgeous throughball from Gareth Barry and slotting home past the whackness that is Brad Guzan with aplomb. England coach Fabio Capello's choice to play Stevey-G on the left wing seems to have borne luscious fruit. As a bonus, 33-year-old Becks looked very dangerous on set-piece situations, curling seriously sweet service onto Terry's cranium for the opening goal. The MLS hasn't really done David any wrong so far.

Hardly any positive statement can characterize the Americans' showing, though. Yet again, Bradley's Boys demonstrated they cannot possess the ball comfortably in the midfield, nor can they seem to muster up much creativity going on the offensive without our favorite California surfer-dude Landon Donovan (although his wave-riding bro Frankie Hejduk made a totally radical appearance in the second half, providing more attacking impetus than starter Steve Cherundolo). Beasley didn't bring it at all, letting all of us down who thought he might be in somewhat inspired form after his goal in Rangers' recent Scottish cup triumph. On the other side of midfield, Josh Wolff made a strong case for his own international retirement. And Michael Bradley and Ricardo Clark never had the slightest chance against the dynamic duo of Lampard and Gerrard.

Check out the video for match highlights here at 101greatgoals.

ASotD 5/28: Bafetimbi Gomis

2008-05-28T09:20:00.000-07:00

My first reaction upon seeing the French selection for Euro 2008 was, "Who is Bafetimbi Gomis?" I thought Domenech was an idiot for picking the relatively unknown St. Etienne striker over the world-class Trezeguet and Cisse. Now, I'm the idiot. Gomis struck two absolute beauties in his debut call-up for Les Bleus including this one in the 60th minute:

101 Greatest Goals of the Season

2008-05-27T15:02:00.000-07:00

This is the best link of the year:

101 greatest goals of the year

Enjoy!

My mind is awash in stunners. Many thanks to our friends at 101greatgoals.com. Argue for your favorite of the year in the comments section.

Absolute Stunners Player Profile: Niko Kranjcar

2008-05-27T08:36:00.000-07:00

Absolute Stunners Player Profile: Niko Kranjcar (Croatia, Portsmouth)

Quick Facts:

Born: August 13, 1984 in Zagreb

Position: Withheld Striker/Attacking Midfielder

Clubs: Dinamo Zagreb (2001-2004), Hajduk Split (2004-2006), Portsmouth (2006-)

Accolades: Prva HNL Champion (2003 with Dinamo, 2005 with Hajduk) Croatian Cup Champion (2001, 2002 both with Dinamo) Croatian Supercup Champion (2002, 2003 with Dinamo, 2005 with Hajduk) FA Cup Champion (2008 with Portsmouth) 39 senior team caps

Pronunciation Guide: Crank-yar

They call Croatia the Brazil of Europe, not because of its capacity to produce coffee, highly unequal income distribution, or propensity to produce buxom beach babes, but rather because the Croats play a highly attractive brand of one-touch, flowing, attacking football. Nobody personifies this style more than Niko Kranjcar. Equal parts Davor Suker and Kaka, Kranjcar has become among the first names on the team sheet for Harry Redknapp at Portsmouth and Slaven Bilic for the Croatian national side. Kranjcar is noted for his ability to put 40 yard screamers past goalkeepers (just ask Scott Carson and the rest of the Three Lions). He also manages to wheedle his way out of nearly impossible situations with his quick feet. Oh yeah, and he is six foot one and often the fastest guy on the field. His combination of skills, physical ability, and bloodline (his father Zlatko is a former Dinamo Zagreb striker and onetime national team manager) have made him a star in his homeland; Euro 2008 is his opportunity to become a household name throughout the rest of the world.

Come June 8th, look out for the red-and-white tablecloth with the number 19 on the back. Rumored for a transfer to a higher profile club (perhaps Arsenal) and destined to have a break-out Euro, you can say you knew him when...

And of course, the video evidence of Kranjcar's brilliance:

ASotD: Beckham from 70

2008-05-27T05:49:00.000-07:00

Another goal for Becks from behind the half.

Absolute Stunners Player Profile: SAMIR NASRI

2008-05-26T13:23:00.000-07:00

Absolute Stunners Player Profile: Samir Nasri (France, Arsenal)

Quick Facts:

Birthday: June 26, 1987
Position: Attacking midfielder
Clubs: Olympique de Marseille (2000-2008), Arsenal (2008- )
Accolades: Winner of UEFA Intertoto Cup in 2005 (Olympique de Marseille), French League Young Player of the Year in 2007 (Olympique de Marseille), Runner-up of Coupe de France in 2006 (Olympique de Marseille), Runner-up of Coupe de France in 2007 (Olympique de Marseille),Winner of the UEFA European Under-17 Football Championship in 2004 (France national football team), Marseille's player of the year, as voted on by the fans in 2007

The Marseille-born Nasri has earned spectacular comparisons to Zidane The Great not only because of his Algerian heritage and the fact that both grew up in the French port city, but also, and indeed more importantly, because of his exciting and skillful play for l’OM and France. To any young French player, even being mentioned in the same sentence as Zidane would seem a miracle, but the future of French football hasn’t let the hype get to his head. Nasri displays composure that belies his age both on and off the field, in stark contrast to the Cristiano Ronaldo of a few years ago.

Perhaps the finest attributes of Nasri’s game are his impeccable vision and accurate passing, allowing him to lead the attack in the most fluent and efficient manner. Constantly involved, Nasri can easily change the course of a match with a deft flick, pinpoint throughball, or sumptuous longball cross-field a la Gerrard/Alonso. Nasri also possesses absurdly sweet touch on the ball and the balance of a tightrope walker (see posted video below). That Nasri’s compatriot Arsene Wenger has (or will soon) snatched up the Kabyle field marshall from his boyhood club only supports the general consensus on the still-developing zoobers*.

*zoobers (pronounced ZOO-berz): an extremely cute individual

ASotD: Memorial Day Special

2008-05-26T11:42:00.002-07:00

A great compilation of US goals for Memorial day:

Turks in Trouble

2008-05-25T18:42:00.000-07:00

The Boys from the Bosphorus look to be in some serious trouble. Basically, they don't have a credible defense. For some reason, coach Fatih Terim has only named five defenders to his squad, and unfortunately for Fatih's future, two of them have already gone down injured. With only three full-time defenders, the terrible Terim has been deploying Newcastle midfielder Emre Belozoğlu as a left back.

This is simply an awful coaching decision. Emre is arguably the most creative player on this Turkish team. He gained a reputation as a youngster on the forlorn footballing grounds of Zeytinburnuspor as a creative midfielder capable of taking on defenders. His dribbling probably ranks as his finest attribute. His left foot is also capable of blistering long range strikes unexpected from such a diminutive player. Though he has battled various injuries over the last few years, he is still the same player Pele ranked in his top 125 living footballers in 2004. Now 27, and in his prime age-wise, Emre should be allowed to be the creative catalyst for the Turks at Euro 2008.

Instead he is tucked away on the back line, where his attack-mindedness will only create holes in front of an already shoddy defense. Volkan, the starting Turkish keeper, is inconsistent. For Fenerbahçe this season, he had his moments of brilliance (the penalty shootout against Sevilla in the Round of 16 of the Champions League) and his moments of daft ineptitude (the rest of that game against Sevilla--two goals right through his hands). His howlers are as famous as his athleticism and shot-blocking abilities. The Turks have grown to accept him as their keeper, in the same way the French for years convinced themselves Fabien Barthez was their best bet between the posts. However, it is vital that his defense provides him the best possible cover. Emre is simply not the answer.

Fatih Terim needs to figure out how to correctly deploy his best weapon or he is going to quickly find himself back in Anatolia serving köfte at a rundown tea house.

Good News Arse Fans!

2008-05-25T16:43:00.000-07:00

SAMIR TO ARSE!!

Looks like Samir Nasri will actually become a Gunner. Thank you, God.

In depth feature on the next Zizou to come...

Footballers' Significant Others

2008-05-25T16:24:00.000-07:00

Obviously footballers have first dibs when it comes to the biddy market. Who are your favorite slags?

Pictured: Sylvie van der Vaart

US U-20's Head Home After Disappointing Toulon Outing

2008-05-25T15:57:00.001-07:00

Perhaps this was to be expected as the most talented American youngsters (Michael Bradley, an injured Benny Feilhaber, and Freddy Adu) have been called up to Bob Bradley's senior side in preparation for this coming Wednesday's friendly at Wembley. An opening 3-2 loss to the Turks and a 1-0 slip to the Elephants of the Cote left our boys languishing at the bottom of their group and bereft of any shot at the next round. So the game against Italy really meant nothing, and again the Red, White, and Blue spurned a chance of picking up at least some points in France.

Oh well. Let's see how the vets fair against Capello's English outfit at the midweek. After all, professional Dishwasher by day, American soccer god by night Joe Gaetjens lifted us past the meatpiers in the 1958 World Cup.

Prediction: California surfer-dude by day, California surfer-dude by night Landon Donovan will take us back to the glory days with a cheeky lob.

Happy Birthday Carlos Bocanegra

2008-05-25T12:53:00.000-07:00

The American center back's 29th birthday finds him clubless. Someone sign Charlie Black Mouth. While we at Absolute Stunners are partial to goals, this video seems more fitting for our birthday boy:

ASotD: Pele vs. Roma (Completely Ridic)

2008-05-25T07:48:00.000-07:00

Check out this fantastic effort from F.C. Internazionale winger Pele vs. Roma. A truly absolute stunner.

Roundup of Today's Friendly Action

2008-05-24T16:32:00.000-07:00

Netherlands-3

The Ukraine-0

Dutch goals come from Kuyt, Babel, and KJ Huntelaar as the lowland folk annihilate World Cup 2006 quarterfinalists Ukraine. Notably absent was aging AC Milan midfielder Clarence Seedorf who quit the team over a dispute with coach Marco Van Basten, who throughout his tenure has favored younger players who ply their trade in the Eredivisie over European stars. This news bothers me greatly, not because I am any great fan of Seedorf's, but because he proved on Wednesday that he is the worst announcer of all time. Notably, he had no idea who Patrice Evra was, repeatedly calling him "that guy." To be fair, English is probably his fourth language (Dutch is his native tongue and he has lived for 5+ years in Italy and Spain), but then why was ESPN counting on him to provide commentary for the biggest club match of the season? Hopefully, they don't make the same mistake twice and stick him in the booth for the Euro. Marcelo Balboa is bad enough.

Hungary-3

Greece-2

Um, really? Ok maybe it is tough to win in Budapest, but when your primary strength is the stinginess of your back line, you can't allow three goals to the 57th ranked team in the latest FIFA rankings (between Cyprus and Macedonia!). Considering nobody has ever successfully defended their Euro title, Greece stands little chance of becoming the first this summer.

Switzerland-2

Slovakia-0

Croatia-1

Moldova-0

Way to go guys.

Helpful Schedule

2008-05-24T15:47:00.000-07:00

Here's a schedule for the Euro 2008 matches, graciously provided by our superiors at uefa.com:

Click for EURO 2008 SCHEDULE

Euro 2008 Thoughts

2008-05-24T15:20:00.000-07:00

We'd love to hear any early comments or predictions you may have concerning the upcoming Euro 2008. Ideas on potential breakout performances, upset calls, etc. are all welcome.

For starters, I'm hoping top frog Raymond Domenech shows Gunner-to-be (that would be so tight) Samir Nasri some love by featuring him in the French XI as much as possible. Young'n Karim Benzema will have to do a lot more than his fair share up top to cover for out-of-form and basically spent forward Thierry Henry, and the goalkeeping will need to be not only solid but spectacular if La Belle France are to survive what is the most difficult group in the opening stage of the tournament. This is a French squad that have quite a bit of experience playing with one another, especially at the club level; 7-time Ligue 1 Champions Olympique Lyonnais have contributed an impressive 8 players to the squad. The team is full of relatively fresh blood, so the French performance in this tournament will be an important factor in gauging the continuing maturation of the country's starlets. They need do better than the French U-21 side who so far have failed to make any real impact on home turf in Toulon. Allez les Bleus!

Avram back to the Grave

2008-05-24T14:53:00.001-07:00

The haunting spectre that is (was?) Avram Grant may now rest in peace after failing to capture any silverware on behalf of Chelski this season.

Tell me he doesn't look like a zombie:

Absolute Stunner of the Day (ASotD): Dean Windass!!!

2008-05-24T12:23:00.000-07:00

The sensibly named striker sends Hull City into the Premiership with the inaugural ASotD:

Aliaksandr Глеб

2008-05-24T11:44:00.000-07:00

Arsenal fans, Londoners and foreign supporters alike, have already had to cope with the loss of aspiring actor (see interview) Matthieu Flamini to the Garishly Uncouth Idiots Dwindling On in Milan's "Athletic Club." Unfortunately, it seems as though our most esteemed Belorussian, save Vladimir Karatkyevich, likely will flee the Emirates for some pomodoro e basilico as well, as rumors declaring Hleb's imminent arrival permeate Italian dailies. Or he may savor instead Madrid's tortillas, according to his trusty agent.

Who can blame Aleks for such considerations when the pride of English cuisine is the hit-or-miss meatpie.

Paps

Euro 2008

2008-05-24T11:33:00.001-07:00

In two weeks, Europe's finest (with the notable exception of the Brits, who got far too much attention in the Champions' League) will descend upon Austria and Switzerland seeking glory in the world's second most prestigious quadrennial athletics competition.

The groups are as follows:

GROUP A (grupo do morte)

Czech Republic

Portugal

Switzerland

Turkey

GROUP B

Austria

Croatia

Poland

Germany (Note: it is always a good sign when you have occupied every other nation in your group)

GROUP C (Groupe de mort)

France

Italy

Netherlands

Romania

GROUP D (συγκρότημα από θάνατος)

Greece

Russia

Spain

Sweden

Basically, this is anyone's tournament to win. Bodog has Germany the favorite at 4-1 followed by Spain at 6-1, Italy and Portugal at 7-1, and France at 8-1. Every team has to fancy its chances of reaching the knockout stage except the poorly drawn Romanians and the abortion that is the Austrian football squad.

Remember, Greece came out of nowhere to win in 2004, so anything can happen. With my luck it will be Romania v. Austria in the Ernst Happel Stadium on June 29th playing for the right to be crowned European Champion.

Absolute Stunners

2008-05-24T11:16:00.000-07:00

In case you are unsure about the genesis of our blog's title...RAY PARLOUR!!!! ABSOLUTE STUNNER!!!!!